Will Kate, or won't they...? A Half-Poem in Celebration of the Dolls I Made in Celebration of Prince William, His Royal Wedding to Miss Catherine Middleton, etc etc.

[Said in my best reporter's voice] 

Will and Kate have finally emerged to face the Sock 'N' Soul public after a long journey, during which time they've been searched, examined, measured, pricked, prodded, nipped, tucked, plucked, darned, stuffed, gathered, sealed, dressed, undressed, redressed, picked, unpicked, tied, belted, bound, chained, branded, grabbed, dabbed, manhandled, womanhandled, flashed and photographed...

[*gasp for breath*]

And now they'll be listed, auctioned, and *hopefully* bought and shipped off! *phew*


If you didn't know better, you might think I was making a pair of airline passengers, surgery patients...criminals? Or maybe livestock...or horticultural produce...

*WOW, loads more ideas for new Sock 'N' Souls 

Just like that! I'm on a sock 'n' roll!!!* 

[Ahem, hem...ok, I'll be serious now...] 

Telling my tale as more would see fit:

That's no way to treat royalty, is it? 

Behind all the glamour and paparazzi, 

A royal's life is surely not a bed of purple sprouting broccoli.

Bed of brassicas, all wrapped up warm & comfy in an eggy blankie...
Which being royalty is not. No sirree!
(Thanks for loan of pic, UKTV)

There's no lack of pictures online of Prince and his 

Middleton miss, which is just as well, 

'Cos I wanted to give them my own little twist.

So media stalking aside, I thought that was swell!

Over 20 photos were saved during this while 

To make sure I knew plenty about their style 

Before settling on Will's RAF ceremonial dress 

(What he's supposedly getting wed in) 

And Kate's engagement dress, her best 

(Who knows what she's getting wed in??)

Recognisability is the thing, 

Said I. Wherein I'll capture the soul of the future King!

When two and two become one (Pics from all over)

Although mathematicians would say this is FOUR. 

Which is the number of bodies 

(Sock! not airline passengers) littered on my stage. 

That bit's a bore, so I'll leave it off this page.

But lesson learnt, from a number of follies

Don't be too clever. 

When trying to make them better than ever.

At first, I thought Will and Kate would like pert bums,

They are, after all, very best chums!

 Butt al-arse! It was not to be...

They make Sock 'N' Souljas topple, unfortunately.

'This cotton makes a nice bottom!', thought Kate

So (like always) I stuck a heel in their fronts. 

One of my customers had commented, 'Perchance,

This made his soulja's crotch 

Look rather butch', but hey! 

I don't think William would perceive me cruel,

Plus his stiffened suit would hide the crown jewel(s) 

- for politeness's sake. And I knew Kate's dress 

Would look great if I gave her breasts.

So with that, she and I kissed and made up,

All because I sewed her a loving cup.

She kicked her high heels, exclaimed HURRAH!

But thankfully declined when I offered her a bra.

The crown jewels & Kate's best dress

While we're on the subject of their bling,

They're also adorned with many a glittering thing. 

Will's badge, his medal, Kate's necklace, and, of course, THAT ring! 

How befitting of a would-be queen and king.

THAT ring.

Blue crystal diamante, instead of sapphire

Around it, studded with knotted thread all silver

Her necklace... it has the same stone really,

It's just a guess, I couldn't see the pic too clearly.

There's something special inside them too

Which makes them have, un-have, unhold and hold

How does it work? Buy them, if I may be bold

It's brilliant, that's true! Works better than glue!

To have and to hold

How long all this took, I couldn't say

Stamped on one receipt is 19th March, 

That's back three weeks away!

For the Lycra and suiting minus starch.

They're now on eBay, here is the listing, 

Check 'em out, I say! No use resisting...

All proceeds to the British Red Cross

Who'll help people whose lives and homes are lost.

Alright, yes, I know, 

At £300, the price ain't low.

But it means a sum of more wealth 

Than I can afford to donate myself.

Who wants them? Please bid, someone say 'I do!'

I mean, aside from the Royal Wedding two

(Although, wouldn't it be great, oh, my joy wouldn't quell
If William and Kate wanted some as well!)

Kate: [whispers] I need to get ready, let's not be late...
Will: [in a very posh voice] First, come, and kiss me Kate! 

So, all you collectors of everything

Right royal. Plates, mugs, etc., for dining.

Don't be churlish, give this a twirl!

You and I could make ours a much nicer world.

For everyone else, who's not into royalty

That's fair enough, but would you please help me?

Repost this, forward it, link, tweet or Facebook

To ask people out there to go take a look?

Many thanks in advance;

For your help and support!

I hope it's not too much trouble,

It'll really help the guys going through that rubble...

There's a jolly good chance

With all this rapport, 

That soon, parts of Japan can 

Make their living from kelp once again.

Postscript: 

By the way, while I'm here, this girl I knew from school

Called Pari. Has been doing something really cool

She's collecting photos from the Japan disaster,

You can view them here, don't think y'ave to ask her.